Down time here has a new meaning. A Sunday afternoon now has a completely different feel- which is great in some ways, but hard as well. I've always wanted Sunday to actually be a day of rest, the way it was intended to be. One without work, schedules, requirements, or time frames. And that is pretty much what I get here on a Sunday. But along with it comes loneliness and nostalgia. The idle times are the times that I think about family, friends, how much I miss college, and I imagine myself back at home on a Sunday and think of what my day would look like then. I think it's good for me to face these things here... I'm so used to running to the next thing or the next person in my day for a fix of comfort. I think that's a pretty lousy way to live...one reason being that I really just use people in my life to give me something I need, and the second being a busy schedule, people, or activities never fill the void that they seem to promise to fill - they do not satisfy.

I think everyone believes the grass is greener on the other side. I think life is better back home. People in high school think college is better. People in college think life after college is better. People who are single think being married is better. Some married people think being single is better (sad but true!). When its summer, you want winter. When it's raining, you want sunshine. When you're traveling, you want to be home and settled. When you're at home, you want to travel and be adventurous. When you're alone, you want to be around people. And when you're around people, being alone seems so appealing. Why can't I just we, and I mean I really, just be satisfied with what we've got, the cards that have been dealt today or this week or this month? We're always wanting: more or less, change or constancy, hot or cold. Whatever it is we're always wanting. Do you ever think your "wants" are misdirected? I want for things that are too weak- they are things I've decided I want, not things that I was created to need. I wish I could say more! But I'll leave it at that.

These are just a few of the scattered thoughts that have run through my mind today.